Me the Midwife..No! Mid-husband!

I am not a gynaecologist, or an Obstetrician, or a mid-wife, or a nurse! Nor do I live next to any one of them.  Still, it seems like I have to study to be one of those, just so I know what is going on.

The CVS (Chorionic Villus Sampling) test is now in the rear-view mirror of ET’s development. Why? Because it is far too late to do that now.  Thanks to the hospital for their delays and thanks to them for not informing us. As I said earlier, based on the result of the triple test - which we are still waiting for,  or might get it after ET enters into this world – will tell us if ET is on a high risk group to have Down’s Syndrome or other chromosomal issues.  If the test shows so, then we have to do the CVS.  

But, wait. We cannot do it now. It is too late.  We still do not have the triple test results! Do I go now and clear the hospital of all its people, patients and bacteria and dose it with petrol and burn it down?  Unfortunately, I cannot do that.  I am told, there is a law against that.

Whilst reading or trying to understand all that is going on,  I find that the CVS testing is usually done during the 11th and 13th week of pregnancy.  For us to do that, we need a time machine to go back in time. Right now, we are at week 17 plus!!   As I see it, the doctor should have advised us of it at that time.  But then, I am not sure if I must blame this doctor, or the previous one.  They both need to be put on a stake and be administered a strict diet of clear larvae soup and bay leaves  for few days.  But, that too is against the law in Oman!

So what now?  There is another test that can be done later.  Still, we are at the fag end of the ‘later’ stage.  We have to do something called the Amniocentesis.  Why in heavens name do they give these strange Latin names when it peacefully lies in the language graveyard. Anyway, the Amniocentesis is done sometime between the 15th and 19th week.  This is when there is  sufficient amniotic fluid in  ET's  living quarters.  The test according to the NHS, “Chromosome studies on amniotic fluid following amniocentesis are very accurate”. So, there you go!  I have faith in the NHS. 

Maybe I am getting my brains in a twist here for no apparent reason.  If the triple test result show ET not to be a in the high risk range, at least I know my knowledge of making a Homo Sapien    is a little above the average person on this planet.  Not sure, if male mid-wife profession is in fashion these days.  To be more realistic, I can become a mid-husband!!!!

I was promised by the hospital that the results will be ready today.  Almost sure when i get there, they will repeat the same story. But, this time I am going to barge into the doctors room and tell her now lovely she looks or will look on a stake!